I am feeling the urge to write a short story. I've never written a short story EVER. Well, besides that compulsory short story for Filipino class when I was in high school (it was crap, by the way), I have not written a short story which I can honestly say I created and which I can be proud of.

I was writing something during vacation, and I was actually delighted with the output I did, but then the inspiration for writing the story suddenly went away. Poof.

Writing is hard. Very, very hard. Even though I am not a creative writer.

I think part of the reason why I find it hard to produce a short story is because I want it to be at par with award-winning ones. Yes, my feelingero urges again. When I write something, I tend to get the feeling that someone's with me as the pen trails down the page, watching, observing my every move, every motion. It's hard. Writing is a solitary act and I know I should write for myself if I really want to see my potential.

If ever I get ideas for a short story, I will do my best to write what I can. Shitty output or no, I will do it. I want to be able to release my creative juices (hopefully I have some). Hopefully I get inspiration, though. It's hard to write without it, otherwise.

Thank you, Captain Obvious.

(image source: http://vintagebooks.files.wordpress.com/2009/07/the-hangover.jpg)

R-18 comedies are unrestrained, offensive, crude, witty, and downright profane.

And I love them.

Out of all those I've watched, however, The Hangover is on my must-watch lists in terms of comedy. I loved the story and the characters. I mean, wow. I know I don't know how to make good reviews of just about anything, but hey, the fact that I am doing this means that I loved the movie. It's rare that I make time to create movie reviews, or any kind of review for that matter, though shitty it may be.

The Hangover is about a bachelor's party in the famed Sin City, Las Vegas, gone wrong. After a night of fun that the four men in the movie undergo, the next day, the groom-to-be, Doug, is missing. Stu, Phil, and Alan find him, and that in essence is the film's plot. What happens is hilarity at its finest.

WATCH IT.

By the way, I loved a song from the movie. It was sung by Stu, and for god-knows-what reason, I couldn't get enough of it and kept on repeating the damn tune. Here's a link and see if you find yourself amused by the song as much as I was (yep, I am weird that way): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ojkUv4aWY_0

I recently watched Bruno as well.

I liked -- loved -- this movie more, though.

Glancing at all these entries here, I'm beginning to think that this site is my Emo blog. In the sense that majority of the entries here are all about ranting.

Oh well.

If you don't release your anger, your sadness, your misery, it can consume you.

That's what poison does.

I have for long been in a stage of denial ever since it happened. But now I have finally conceded that my iPod Nano does indeed have a busted battery. I face a dilemma now: Should I sell my iPod or should I have it repaired?

To sell it would mean having to face people's criticisms, explicit or otherwise. My Nano is a secondhand one, and secondhand things often provoke words like malfunction, untrustworthy, unreliable, and the like. They are not good words to hear.

Repairing the Nano, though, would mean having to risk money AGAIN. The Ate in Sta. Lucia, when I went there to ask about my iPod's future, said that she could have it repaired. She then brought me to a repair shop near her store and asked the Kuya there if he could give me a discount for the process. He told me 500 would do the job. I declined then. But now I wonder.. Could he really do it? I mean, I have just finished searching about iPod battery replacements, and now I realize that they can be done. Is the Kuya proficient enough in his area of specialization to fix my iPod? But then I think again. He would only perhaps check my iPod to see if it indeed is broken. I don't think he'll change the battery, not unless I buy a new, cheap one from CDR King or wherever. Or will he? Could the 500 pesos include the new battery?

I have 500 pesos but I am still unwilling to use it for my iPod. I am doubting. But I want to be able to use my Nano again. It was my birthday gift to myself, and having to live without it is painful, since I used my birthday money for it, money I rarely get from people.

What do I do.. What should I do.. This is really just frustrating. If only I were rich. But this entry in itself just goes to show that I am not. I mean, if I had money, I wouldn't be arguing with myself on whether to spend 500 pesos for repairs..

God. I wish this problem could be solved. Will be solved, rather.

More than all of the things I wrote, the reason why I want my iPod to be fixed is that I just don't want to be hit with the realization that I made a wrong choice. Again.

It just hurts to think about it. It does.

One of my closest friends has asked me to write a eulogy for his child. His egg child, that is. He is an egg parent. Yeah don't ask what the fuck all this is about. The point is, he's asked me to make a eulogy for his egg child who died in the line of work as a National Geographic photographer. How come the egg gets to work for Nat Geo? :| Anyway, I am making [as i am still not finished by now] two eulogies for Cole Johnson [that's the name of my friend's egg; fantastic, i know], from the perspectives of Cole's dad and wife. I've actually found it quite engaging. I've wanted to write for so long creatively, and this was my chance. It was actually my first time to write a eulogy today, but may i just say that it wasn't that hard. My work is still unfinished largely because i am being distracted by a lot of factors, Facebook being one of them. But ho hum, pig's bum. I am starting now on the wife's eulogy, and may i just say this is the challenging part. It's good to realize though that i am practicing my writing through this. And hopefully next time i have the time to try and write, i'll be able to think of a good theme in which to write about, and please please please please, i hope it'll have good results. I just want to be a better writer. Writing's the only skill i really have.

It's been so long since I've written. But though i want to, i still find it hard, since a lot of times i really feel that my writing ability is mediocre. I want to improve, i want to better at writing, so that i'll be able to call it my craft. I want to be creative, i want my imagination to burst, but so far this hasn't been happening. God. I positively, desperately want to write. If only i could. I don't want to be bitter about the talent God gave me [writing is really the closest thing to what i can call a skill], but it's just that i want to be better. Be on par with people i revere as very talented writers. Will practice lead me to be better at writing? I believe that i need topics and themes in which i can write about. Practice is useless if you don't have something in which to apply practice to. I want to write about things i've never written about, as well as things i've always written about. Above all, however, i just want to be better.

I want to write not just in the way journalism trains people to write. I want to be able to write creatively. Oh how i fucking envy those people who make writing poems and short stories seem so seamless and effortless. I want to be like them but i don't know how. I want to be able to construct sentences filled with description, animation. I want to write paragraphs that will stick in people's minds, if not forever at least just for a while - paragraphs with words and phrases and sentences that will not be lost, just forgotten in the mind of a person. Argh. I just find this frustrating. I just keep on writing and writing here, not minding my train of thought, 'cause, hey, who will see this anyway? If only i could write in both linear and nonlinear forms, if only i could be a good journalist and storyteller. If only if only if only.

I'll try to practice. This is just a sudden epiphany. I want to be able to apply all the things i've read in books. How useless will it be if i love reading yet am not able to put the things i've read into a form which is my writing. They say that to be a good writer, one must be a good reader. But how come this isn't applying to me? Or am i really just thinking wrongly? Maybe i have sufficient skills, but am just denying that they are. What? I don't know. It's just so hard to discern.

Writing, thou art a bitch.

But please be a good bitch and help me improve.

Please?

I am hitting an all-time low with my laziness and i am not happy with it. I need to manage my time more, i need to work my ass off more, i need to appreciate lots of things and hard work more.

All of these depend on my initiative, yet sadly i don't feel any drive to get up and change myself. This is infuriating. I hope i find inspiration soon, and no, it does not necessarily have to be a person.

If i don't change this by the time i'm in my 20s, then i'm dead. So much for the person who wants to live an independent life in the future.

September's nearly ending and i haven't produced a single entry. Come to think of it, those times in which i've managed to write something about are just self-indulgent events, like what happened today, blah blah blah. It's not that i'm tired of writing about my life, it's just that i want some new shit to write about. If my life were more interesting then i'd be happier [who wouldn't be?]. Gah.

When in doubt, hope that you're still right.

Because it sucks when you were wrong all along.


%

I prayed for productivity, and it's quite pleasing to find out that i have a lot of assignments to do. Not a whole lot, to be honest, but there's enough on my plate i think, and i hope i can finish all of it. I'm not one of those people who like doing nothing most of the time, where they say, "Shit, this is sweet, i'm doing nothing for today and tomorrow and the day after tomorrow!" True, there are days when i don't want to do anything, but being unproductive for two or three days in a row just bothers the shit out of me. I always wish that i were rich, because i always feel they're the ones who have the means to do what i love to do -- eating and traveling -- but hey, it's not happening today. Although i wish it would in the very near future. Boredom is one of the words i hate. And it is one of the states i abhor being in. I have a lot of books that have to be read, but i don't want to finish all of them just yet. I love reading and all, but there comes a time when one feels one has read too much for the time being. I have bought a new book, though, Bret Ellis's American Psycho, and i am pretty sure i will devour its contents as soon as i get my hands on it.

This week will be the best week for me so far this semester, as like i said, i've got some reports and papers to do, and what better days to do them than on days where i have no classes, i.e. Wednesday, Friday, and the weekends, plus Monday, when my university really has no classes. If i don't finish all that i have to do this week, then i really need to take some time management classes.

Of all the things that are so bumming to do, why are papers on top of the list?

I wish i could write like David Sedaris and James Thurber. They define the true meaning of wordplay, especially Thurber. God, i love them.

Street Children

Earlier this afternoon inside a jeepney, as i was returning along with my group mates from Amoranto Sports Complex, a disheveled and dirty child [a beggar] came inside and proceeded to wipe my and the other passengers's feet with a rag. After, he asked for alms, compensation for the duty he did, despite us [the passengers] not asking for it. However, the child was so small and pitiful that i eventually gave him some coins, while my group mates gave him what was left of their take-out food.

I normally give alms to begging children like the one i encountered today, but i wouldn't describe myself as a sucker for persons like them when i give them alms. I am even angered when my friends mock these kids, such as those children collecting bottles in UP and asking for food from students when they see them eating. The children may go overboard when they ask for food or spare change [they get forceful sometimes and demand more should be given to them], but still hindi dapat sila ginagago. Some people say i shouldn't give, for reasons such as that these children are only members of some syndicate that'll collect the alms after, that the children won't strive to make something better of themselves and remain as mendicants, etc. etc. But even so, when i come across them, i only see them as children, and nothing more. They didn't choose to become what they are now, and it always saddens me when i think of how they could be having another life other than begging; they could have a decent home, three meals a day, an education, and perhaps more. They won't have to endure the weather, or hunger, or the likely possibility of dying in the streets.

It's unfair that they have to experience these conditions, and it's unfair that many people not only have more, but much, much more. It's infuriating as well that it is very difficult for something to be done about it. Poverty is a problem that seems to have impossible solutions, especially in third-world countries such as the Philippines, where the slums easily outnumber the decent, normal homes.

A saddening thought for me as well is that despite all my rants about poverty and the condition of children begging in the streets, i go back to my life where i eat lots of food, where i experience the good life lots of times courtesy of some of my affluent relatives, where, even though it may not be much, i have money for myself and for my wants. I know i shouldn't feel it, but it's hard not to feel guilty when i'm enjoying myself, oftentimes while eating, but then i suddenly find myself face-to-face with children asking for some share of food and i don't give it since i am hungry as well.

I always dream of getting a good job with more than enough pay. And when i do get this job, will i do something for the plight of these children, or will i just remain as i am, a giver of leftover food, of alms, of parts of things they deserve but may never have?

The previous entry was just an attempt to sound poetic.

Yep, my explanation simply asserts that i suck at poetry.

Sad.

Will the time when i become better at writing ever come?

Broken names, homes,
Dreams
And broken bones

It can be frustratingly depressing [depressingly frustrating] when things don't go the way you want it to be. What's even more crappy [and signifies that you are a loser] is when you get sad over the shallowest of things that did not go according to plan. And yes, i am pertaining to myself.

Tonight was supposed to be a good night for me. I planned on watching a marathon of "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" on DVD [burned by my ever-trustworthy friend John] while pigging out on various junk food that cost me more than a hundred pesos. The fact that i spent a considerably big amount of money for myself on chips is significant in itself. I rarely do things like spending lots for junk food. The night was supposed to be special.

But surprise, surprise. It wasn't.

The fucking DVD kept skipping, and when i finally got tired of wiping the DVD through a combination of my spit, water, and some tissue [disgusting, i know], i decided to watch using my mother's laptop. Great, i thought, this'll be even better, since it meant lying on my bed in my room, eating chips and just watching and laughing at 'Whose Line.' My hopefulness got me nowhere. The DVD didn't work at all. The laptop kept on hanging everytime i put in the DVD. Gaahr. And that was when i called it quits. The chips were slowly but steadily consumed as i was waiting for the DVD to load, but we all know what happened, now, do we?

At the back of my mind this afternoon, as i was contemplating the supposedly perfect couch potato moment, something was telling me not to continue my plans because it was a Friday and i still had CWTS the next day, so it wouldn't be the perfect evening since i had obligations left and blah blah blah. But i went on with my plan anyway.

Sigh.

*

Going over what i have just written, one might question why i could be saddened by something as shallow as broken DVDs and chips.

Bakit nga ba?

Sayang talaga itong blog ko. I need to make it work. I have to advertise it in the future, so actual people would read it, and i won't feel like the village idiot talking to himself anymore. That will only happen if i had the things i wish for [in the previous post]. Until them, Giro, ramble on. Ramble on like the idiot that you are.

Kailangan ko siyang ayusin, para hindi masayang.

Ang ganda pa naman ng pangalan ng blog ko.

:>

i'd probably write something relevant in future posts, other than my life which i don't think anyone coming across this blog would care about, if only i had:

1. a camera to make this blog a little less boring
2. no electricity usage problems to think about
3. writing talent

these things will make for a more interesting blog, i'm sure.

too bad they won't come to me anytime soon.

Of problems. Again

Just because i don't say anything, doesn't mean i'm not going through anything. I only reserve my problems for my closest friends; i may be open on a lot of things, but my problems and issues are not one of them.

I don't want to be like those people who post 'problem statuses,' cryptically telling anyone who'd bother to read that they are going through something, but when asked a question will reveal squat. No, i'm not like that..

.. But this blog entry just contradicts what i have just said, doesn't it?

I'm dealing with a lot of problems right now. But i think i can handle them. All i need are timing and hope that things will eventually work out in the future.

I will handle them. Period.

Just Because of My Blog's Name

Why do i keep on writing on this blog -- albeit on a slower pace these couple days (months), admittedly -- when i know for sure that hardly anyone i know will see this?

Why do i keep on putting my thoughts here for everyone (but not really, since few know about this blog anyway) when i can put said thoughts into my other blog in Multiply, where it'll fetch perhaps not a lot of comments, but decent numbers still?

*

Truth be told, it's all because of my blog's name. It's the Filipino word for my favorite word, 'splinter,' and it would be a travesty if i let the name go to waste just because i didn't have the energy to blog. If my blog had the address splinter.blogspot.com i think i would have spent a lot more time on this blog, seriously. Damn whoever has that blog address!

In addition, if only i had the necessary tools to make for a more interesting blog, such a as a camera to take photos with, and.. um. No, i take it back, if only i had a camera, then i would be satisfied. Not only because photos will make a blog cooler and less boring, i like photography as well. Really, i do. But i just don't let it show that much because i don't have a camera of my own. I'd rather wait for my camera to come than tinker with others', not only for the reason that it would be just shameful to borrow theirs when i feel like capturing moments, but also for the reason that i would not feel pressure when i have a camera of my own. Its safety lies in my own hands, i don't need to check the time every so often and see if i should return a borrowed camera already, and i could enjoy taking pictures whenever i feel like it. Also, as i will finally study journalism starting this semester, photojournalism is a sub-category of it that i want to pursue. Very close friends know that i have a dream job which i don't like to tell many for the fear of being branded as delirious, but hey, i will try to get it after studying. But besides the dream job of mine, photojourn is actually a powerful branch of journalism. It combines pictures with words. If a picture is worth a thousand words, add that up with other pictures, plus the actual words that complement the pictures.. well then, you've got a recipe for communicating events.

Alas i don't have a camera yet, but i am highly contemplating on saving for one. Better yet, i hope one of my affluent relatives stray out of their good senses temporarily and decide to give me a decent camera for my birthday next month. Alas again, we can't always have what we want, so i know the chances of getting one for my 18th is nil. Oh well. It's not really a huge setback, but i just wish that i could have a camera. I really don't have numerous hobbies, but i do enjoy the few ones i have, including photography.

*

Whoever said money can't buy you happiness obviously was speaking crap.

Up-to-date

Those who personally know me are aware that I plan to shift to a Journalism course this semester. Of course, i think i already put that here a while back, so please forgive me, at least it signifies that i really really want to pursue the course.

However, the problem is that i feel that my knowledge of current events is simply not what is expected of a Journalism major (or a hopeful one, in my case). I just read somewhere in the Net this evening courtesy of my mobile phone that i should learn to keep track of the events happening in the country and the world at large, by means of reading the newspaper religiously. That was what the article tried to say anyway. And so this brings me to my predicament. As much as i ardently want to be a Journalism major, i must first bring myself to find ways to be aware of the news every single day. I find this hard to accomplish since a) my father banned me from using the Internet since i was apparently the cause of our high electric bill (as i write this it is 3 in the morning, the whole house is deep in slumber), and 2) my family isn't a huge fan or buying newspapers. Hell, even i am not a fan. I mean, 20 pesos per day?! I'm sorry if i'm being this way to the broadsheet business (some kind of hopeful Journ major am i, huh?) but it's just that my family's financial situation isn't enough to cover purchasing papers everyday. I am limited to my mom's bringing the papers from her father's office, and that doesn't occur everyday. What about the t.v., you ask? Well... there's just something about the newspaper that appeals to me. Hmmm. CNN is my favorite cable news channel, but wait, we don't have cable.

Dilemmas, dilemmas..
I am trying to practice writing for the Journ shifting exam. I said trying. All i have up to now is the 5 W's and the H necessary to news writing: The what where when who why and the how. If i ever forget to commit these six things to my memory then that will be the indicator that i am indeed, a failure.

BUT

I am still not losing hope about being able to make the cut for shifting, no matter how daunting. I actually became scared yesterday, or was it two days ago, when i found out that my friend wasn't able to make the cut in shifting to his desired course. And that made me sad, partly because of my friend's failure, and also partly because i started thinking more about my chances of passing. I gave up on expecting a lot a long time ago. Every time i am sure i will achieve or get something i heavily desire, it ends up burning down before my eyes. All the hurt that caused me in the past taught me not to expect too much, but it also taught me that i shouldn't lose hope either. The future is always foggy, but i hope that when the fog clears, it leads me to a better place, and not directly to the edge of a cliff. Sigh. It's so hard to accept if i fail to get accepted to Journ again (the first attempt was the UPCAT exam in which it was my first choice; i ended up getting my second), but hey, you never know, right?

And frankly, i will not tolerate losing it again. My second chance is fast approaching, and by God, i will do my best to make sure i will get accepted now.

I just hope i don't screw up. I won't expect for much, for anything to happen the way i want for that matter, but i will NOT lose hope.

My life's motto is the Latin word 'Excelsior,' which means 'Ever upward.'

Here's to hoping
that i keep on
soaring.

Gahrrr

I just hate the following right now:

:: A philosophy exam on the 2nd which i know i won't get a high grade on. Why do i find philosophy so hard? This freaking mental gymnastics is just draining all of me. And this is just by reviewing for the exam.
:: The possibility that i won't get very high grades this semester. I am planning to shift to another degree program, and for that I of course need good grades. However, the first two grades to come out were not satisfactory for me. I don't know why i'm stressing too much over this. Prolly because I am only taking General Education subjects at the present, so i can't accept the fact that i'm getting low grades.
:: A friend's attitude. He told me he wasn't angry at me but he's fucking acting like he is. God. I am not dense. I can fucking see through these kinds of things, dammit. I fucking hate it when people are angry at me when i didn't do anything serious to offend them in the first place. Why does he have to get so pissed about it? Harmless teasing, that's what it's called. Gahr. This is just so infuriating.

I can rant all night, but these are the top three reasons for my being pissed off at the current time. AGHHHHHHHHHHH.

And a big DAMN IT, to cap it all off.

I can only take so much

First off, this is not an emo post. It's just a post wherein the thoughts that have been bubbling inside my mind are finally manifested into tangible form, i.e. this blog.

I don't want to take care of others's problems all the time. As if i don't have enough, already. My friends (or at least those who I confide everything to) know the things i am going through right now, and the incrementing of other problems by other friends force me to think and choose between them and that of my own problems. But i don't want to do that. I want to wallow in my own problems and think of solutions for them, dammit.

I received a text message a few days back that says "nothing is really wrong if your basis is yourself." It went on to say that one shouldn't be afraid to do what one wants to do, even if it meant hurting others in the process. If one isn't happy in one's current situation, then one should do something about it, regardless of what people may say after.

It just makes me think. Really.

Cyberstalking

is so fun to do! HAHAHA seriously. :))

Summertime is here

And it's raining.

Can anyone say Global Warming?

---

Blogging is hard. Or, at least, what i imagine what blogging is supposed to be like is hard.

:: I don't have the liberty to use the computer whenever i want (for electric bill purposes)
:: I don't have a decent camera in which i can take snapshots to put in here (hell, i don't even have a camera i can call my own), 'cause that's what i believe a good blog should contain: nice pics. don't know why, i just think it should.
:: I don't have enough exciting and noteworthy experiences i can jot down - or if ever i do, i will be attacked by laziness and end up not writing it.
:: Most of all, no one in my circle even knows i have this blog save for one friend. Therefore my audience is limited to the persons who log in Blogspot and click the Next Blog button. And on the off-chance you, the audience, actually drop by this blog, you couldn't care less anyway since it's just another blog, generic, common, uninteresting. What use is a writer who doesn't have an audience? All writers write for themselves, true, but they also write for other people.

So why am i still struggling and writing here?

I don't really know. I guess i like the feeling that i can write things in here that i can't in my other blog in my Multiply account. In here, i can write in English. I don't even understand why i find it hard to blog in English in my other blog. Just another one of my eccentricities, i guess? Sigh, i know i'm weird, but what the hell. To each his own and all that crap, right?

I'm blabbing to myself but under the impression that people will read this. Do i really lack attention? Hope not.

I think this is partly because blogging is easier than writing longhand in a journal. I have my own journal, yes, but only on rare occasions do i find myself jotting scattered thoughts here and there, with drawings and quotes and the rest of the package included. Typing is easier than writing. But i like writing. BUT i can be too lazy sometimes. BUT sometimes the novelty of writing is just so hard to resist. BUT it's just that i lack the initiative to write on a daily basis.

But BUt BUT.

My inconsistencies need some work. It'll all backfire against me in the long run if i don't do anything about it.

If only scientists can invent a cure for laziness.

Yeah, right.

Bipolar?

I can go from the highest of highs
to
the lowest of lows
in
seconds.

What the hell?
Living hell.
Wish that I wasn't
this paranoid.

Silver Screen on Monitors

I LOVE TORRENT.

Thanks to it, i am now able to watch the films i was unable to watch in the past, either because i was financially-strapped or because i was still young when the flicks were shown. But that's all water under the bridge now because Torrent is helping me make my hobby of cinema-watching come true!

Okay, that just sounded like one of those perky plugs. Ugh. But really, i'm glad i finally downloaded Torrent. There are just so many movies, and i just want to watch a lot of them. And Torrent comes through for me.

Well, most of the time. It has its drawbacks too. Like for one thing, i can't leave my monitor on, thus my downloads are interrupted, when they could be continuing whilst i am in slumber. Another thing, our computer does not have a speedy connection, so the kilobytes per second while downloading can only come in droves at specific times in the day, when most people are awake and able to share their files. And also, i can never be sure about the movies that i download. For example, i was so hyped up about being able to watch Rachel Getting Married this evening, only to find out - to my dismay - that i have to follow some steps in some website (which included registering to porn sites), ruining my otherwise fun watching experience. Sigh. I guess Rachel will have to wait. Oh well.

But other than those downs, Torrent is just so kickass. I want to conk myself on the head for not thinking about downloading it ages ago. No matter though. At least i am now able to watch fims ranging from the mainstream to the indie genre, from movies in the rage right now to the downright obscure ones.

Gotta go. I'm downloading movies as we speak. :)

I want to ride my bicycle....

.... I want to ride my bike.. I want to ride my bicycle, i want to ride my biii-ike.

Well it's really my uncle's bike, but why ruin a good intro? :D I was supposed to start cycling for fitness today, but because papa was drinking last night with my uncle, day one did not come into fruition. Ah well.

I WILL GET FIT!

Brace yourself, summer vacation! I am going to bike the months away and i will get thin AGAIN.

God. I can't wait to look in the mirror one day and see the shape of the face i once had: UNFLABBY.

i can't help it. Food poses one of the greatest temptations in the world. When i come across a sumptuous piece of food, well. Something just takes over me and i make sure i devour the thing. Gah. Eating is just one of the BEST hobbies ever.

I wonder.. If i want to be thin this summer vacation, how can i balance it with my eating sprees.. Because undoubtedly i eat a lot during breaks; it's just a simple fact that needs no questioning. Lazing around = pigging around. Right? Right.

Well can't stop and think of that now. I'll just burn the bridge when i get there. Er. I mean cross.

Lost in Translation

I must confess: I suck at writing in Filipino. It's not that i was born speaking and writing in English. It's just that my ability to write in English was developed more than my ability to write in Filipino. And it's really embarrassing, this deficiency. Friends think i'm kidding them when i ask them to define a Filipino word or term or phrase, and laugh when they realize i'm not. God. It's not really my fault. I just wasn't exposed to Filipino literature that much, thus compelling me to find enjoyment in lit in the English language, therefore causing a blow to my Filipino vocabulary.

AND what's more, i am planning to major in Journalism this year, and should i pass the shifting exam, fluency in writing in both English AND Filipino is a MUST in the course. I was mulling over this particular dilemma when the answer came to me just today. And i feel stupid for not thinking about it sooner. When required to write a piece in Filipino, i just have to write the piece in English, and then translate it to Filipino after. Why not just write it directly in Filipino? Well, i believe that the (Filipino) words will come more easily and in a large number as well when the English-written piece is written on paper. Don't ask why i believe this to be so. It just is. Shut up. :)

THERE. My problems are solved.

Fuck. My solution isn't exactly college-material, is it?

Ah well. The time will come when i can honestly say that i am completely Bi.

Bilingual that is.

:D

Poetsssss and Poemsssss

I'm not really into poetry that much. Not because it's useless and stinks, but because i can comprehend only little of it. I don't like delving into things i can't understand (i hardly think many people like it, either); poetry is.. is.. mysterious. Well, more mysterious than prose, that is. For me, though. But anyway. I don't like poetry much, as i said, but i want that to change. That is why i want to collect poetry made by these persons, 'cause i think they're cool and 'cause i want to read cool poetry. :)

Sylvia Plath
ee cummings
Robert Frost


Hmmm. A woman who killed herself by putting her head in an oven, a quirky dude with an even quirkier style of poetry, and a British guy who is just fucking fantastic. Diverse, i know. And not exactly conventional poets to start with for a person who wants to understand poetry more. But whatever. I WILL learn to understand poetry. Learn, okay, not write. I hate my poems; they lack substance and style for me, and therefore they remain in my private journal. In perpetuity. :)

Lovin' My Beagle

Okay, i guess it was a good thing that i didn't name our (MY MY MY) beagle Kidlat because imagine what a shock it was for me to see that my beloved beagle was a she. And she is named Lemon. Oh my Dog. HAHA. Oh well. I JUST LOVE MY NEW DOG.

Bow.
:D

Beagle beagle beagle

YES! I will finally have a beagle tonight! Well, technically it's a family dog, but nobody's going to stop me from getting first dibs on it. I still haven't thought of a name for it though... i was supposed to name it 'Kidlat,' the Filipino word for 'lightning,' but because of the kid's movie "Bolt" i drew back. Anyway.. that's it. CAN'T WAIT FOR MY DOG!!

Not that Shocked Anymore

My friends and I watched Saw 5 this afternoon after school. And after watching it, i was surprised at the lack of suspense and thrill i felt during the movie. Oh i don't know, it's not that the movie wasn't bloody enough (it was. really), i think it's just that i seem to have grown enough to the point that the gore in movies like that isn't enough to make me cringe at disgust anymore.

And i think all this is my fault. I watched movies like Saw for the sole purpose of erasing my fear for movies like and members of the same genre (gore) - and other genres like suspense, thrillers, and horror. Granted, i had some mild shocks because of the movie, but nothing that made me jump out of my seat and all.

Therefore, i resolve to watch gorier and scarier movies. Why? BECAUSE IT'S FUN!! Seriously. I'm not much of a horror flick fan. Yet. But i want to be.

Actually, i want to be a movie fan. Period. When the time for working in the corporate world comes for me, i will plan a movie budget because watching movies on the big screen produces a wonderful feeling in my system. Even though i love watching shows and movies on DVD, i still prefer the silver screen. It's just that movies are expensive when you're just a student, yet i can't help it. There are just so many good movies out there that i want to watch. Agh. I want to be a film afficionado, but not one of those elitist types who only love movies that are directed by obscure indie directors. What the fuck. I prefer to be just a simple movie-viewer who watches movies from all genres. I don't like some genres, admittedly, such as noir, but i think that if i become more exposed to the world of film, eventually i will learn to appreciate it. God. How dramatic am I, i'm only talking about movies. Haha.

Can't wait for the Academy Awards. Though i haven't watch MANY of the nominated films like Slumdog Millionaire, The Reader, Revolutionary Road, and all that blah. Gah. If only i had Torrent on my PC i will be content.

Semi-Conductors

Of all the fascinating characters i come across while riding jeepneys, nothing intrigues me more than the person who goes out of his way - way, way out - just to help his fellow passengers. I dub him as the Semi-Conductor.

Why this name? It's because this person doesn't actually have any obligation inside the jeepney apart from being a passenger and pay the driver his fare. Except that the Semi-Conductor wants to stand apart from the rest of his fellow commuters and takes a step further by assuming the duties of a conductor by:

1. Telling the other passengers in the jeep to move their asses when a new commuter gets inside the vehicle .
2. Getting the fares of and returning the change of his fellow commuters.
3. Repeating a passenger's cry of "Manong, para!" when the said passenger is ignored by the driver of the jeep - even when multiple attempts are used - by saying "Hoy para raw!" in his usually deep and loud voice. Usually the driver stops after Semi-Conductors's intervention.
4. Informing the male passengers of the jeepney to move their bodies slightly forward when a female sits beside them, as to give her sitting space.

The Semi-Conductor usually sits in the middle of the jeepney, or near the driver, because it is much easier to perform his duties when he is placed there. The Semi-Conductor is always male, or perhaps i have not yet come across a Semi-Conductress, though i doubt there is one in existence (also highly improbable are the sabiteras - female passengers who cling to the outside of a jeep).

The Semi-Conductor may seem very annoying, but he really is not. Quite the opposite, in fact. He is helpful in his Semi-Conductor-ish sort of way, and who knows, when you ever find yourself in a jeepney situation where you need the services of a Semi-Conductor, you just might find yourself praying that there's one in the jeep you're riding.

:D

Schreiben

Verb - German - "to write"

I suddenly find myself addicted to this blogging thing. Maybe it's because it's real, that this is actually a real blog, and i don't know why i haven't thought of this sooner. Admittedly my Multiply account has contacts who actually read my post, but no matter.

Gah. Writing is surprisingly, suddenly more enjoyable. I wish I had a laptop so i could blog more. What? Haha.

This addiction has gone to such a level that i'm actually putting off studying for my Social Science exam tomorrow just for the sake of blogging in a site no one actually really knows. No matter, it'll reach that peak, hopefully.

The writer writes for himself or for other people. This blog is for myself and for other people. I have my own journal to pour my heart out. This is just for the normal, mundane, and the occasional not-so-light thoughts that cross my mind.

Go Blogger.

Agh. Got to go and study.

Skeletons Away from View

The very first post in this blog isn't really the first one. I don't know why i have to state this since i'm sure a few - if any - will read this blog anyway, but whatever. This was just supposed to be my own private blog, shielded from the eye of the public and all the shit, but i decided to open it anyway since why the hell create a blog that i alone would read?

Anyway that first post will forever remain secret, just because of the plain and simple fact that it was fucking EMO. After all i've said about emo and the culture of it, i can't be accused of being one, and that blog will be my ruin if anyone ever saw it because it was E-M-O. Agh. This is a blog, i know, where i'm supposed to write my feelings and emotions and thoughts and ideas and all that jazz. But i suddenly remembered i have my own journal for the hardcore emotions that are gnawing at my core at a particular time.

A personal journal, and two blogs. What a fucking writing nerd. If only i had the talent to support the writing, that is. Ah well. Practice practice practice.

Survival of the Fittest

God. Why am i getting fatter and fatter as the days go by. I thought stress from school was supposed to make students thin. But apparently it works both ways. Students can get thin from the academic anxiety, or they could also grow fat. And unfortunately i belong to the latter group.

After reading all the 'COLLEGE MADE ME FAT' posts from numerous friends, i decided to join the fray. Granted, our group whining will never get us anywhere the respective weights we want to target, so action is obviously needed. I don't know about my friends, but my workout will entirely consist of running and cycling. I think the cycling part will be the most dominant part of my exercise regimen, because cycling is less tiring and the feeling of sweat trickling down your back, along with the breeze rushing to your face and body is just fantastic.


The reason why i want to exercise again is because my dear old fat uncle decided to lend me his bike, since he doesn't use it anymore. Rather than leave the poor old thing to rot in disuse, i decided to use it to sculpt my future body. I do hope i get the bike ASAP. I want to hop on it and start pedaling right away. Physical education this college is only limited to PE classes themselves, and due to this, i want to do something more to help myself, lest i become - God forbid - a pasty, flabby boy in his teens. I want abs and biceps and whatnot. Haha. Honestly. But not like those over-exercised Mr. Olympia types who seem to digest steroids on a daily basis. I just want a toned body.

Discipline, i think, is my only potential impediment for me to achieve my goal. I once did an exercise workout consisting of weightlifting, sit-ups, and push-ups. It was over in four days.

Sad.

But now i will push myself further. I wasn't so athletic during High School, and i am ashamed for that. I had all the time to engage myself in different sports and recreations, but i didn't strive to take part in many of them. But now i know that must change. Damn. I just HOPE i'll be able to pull this off. But hey. I like cycling anyway, so i guess my goal can't be that far off.

Hopefully.

Cheers to us who want to be fit this year, and the coming years. Pot-, beer-, and whatever-bellied men and women we shall NOT become. :)

Old Age Sticks by e.e. cummings

Now, i liked this poem after i knew what it meant. God. e. e. cummings is so weird. Yeah, that's how his name is supposed to be spelled. But he's weird in a good way. Quirky is the word, i think? :) Anyway, here's the poem.

old age sticks
  up Keep
  Off
  signs)&
 
  youth yanks them
  down(old
  age
  cries No
 
 
  Tres)&(pas)
  youth laughs
  (sing
  old age
 
  scolds Forbid
  den Stop
  Must
  n't Don't
 
 
  &)youth goes
  right on
  gr
  owing old

Fire and Ice

I just had to post this before i go to sleep. It's one of my favorite poems (or one of the poems i can easily understand, anyway - which is not much, sadly).

Fire and Ice
by
Robert Frost

Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.

As Old As Man

Problems have always been there ever since our ancestors walked on this earth, and damn, though i would want to rid them of my life for eternity, i know full well that they never will, since after i finish finding a solution to a particular problem, boom! another one comes and infiltrates my short moment of triumph.

I have always wanted to think of myself as an optimistic person, yet i have come to terms with myself: i just am not. Giving all sorts of advices to my friends, such as 'You can do it!!!' or 'Don't let that get you down!' is what i frequently do, thinking - falsely - that my simple words of wisdom will erase whatever burdens they are carrying. However, when it's my turn to fall prey to problems, i pay my friends's help no heed, thinking that what they say can't help me anyway. Talk about hypocrisy. :|

I am currently facing two major problems right now, but i won't give away both of them, just one. Secretive? Yeah. Haha. I really want to shift courses right now. The one i'm in, English, is a good course and all, but i want to study Journalism. I want to be a photojournalist when i graduate (to be a writer slash photojournalist on National Geographic is my DREAM JOB, but that's a different story). I just hope that i will be able to shift to Journ this year. Am gonna face lots of applicants, i think, but i pray that i'll be able to make it.

Sigh.

I know problems are supposed to strengthen our resolve, make us better persons, and blah blah blah. But it's just hard to find solutions to them, you know?

Duh, you would think. Yet i just wish i can just solve my two major impediments. Agh.

Shit. I have to study for my German exam. Problem? Not really. :|

Tschüss to whoever's reading. Gutten nacht!