When in doubt, hope that you're still right.

Because it sucks when you were wrong all along.


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I prayed for productivity, and it's quite pleasing to find out that i have a lot of assignments to do. Not a whole lot, to be honest, but there's enough on my plate i think, and i hope i can finish all of it. I'm not one of those people who like doing nothing most of the time, where they say, "Shit, this is sweet, i'm doing nothing for today and tomorrow and the day after tomorrow!" True, there are days when i don't want to do anything, but being unproductive for two or three days in a row just bothers the shit out of me. I always wish that i were rich, because i always feel they're the ones who have the means to do what i love to do -- eating and traveling -- but hey, it's not happening today. Although i wish it would in the very near future. Boredom is one of the words i hate. And it is one of the states i abhor being in. I have a lot of books that have to be read, but i don't want to finish all of them just yet. I love reading and all, but there comes a time when one feels one has read too much for the time being. I have bought a new book, though, Bret Ellis's American Psycho, and i am pretty sure i will devour its contents as soon as i get my hands on it.

This week will be the best week for me so far this semester, as like i said, i've got some reports and papers to do, and what better days to do them than on days where i have no classes, i.e. Wednesday, Friday, and the weekends, plus Monday, when my university really has no classes. If i don't finish all that i have to do this week, then i really need to take some time management classes.

Of all the things that are so bumming to do, why are papers on top of the list?

I wish i could write like David Sedaris and James Thurber. They define the true meaning of wordplay, especially Thurber. God, i love them.

Street Children

Earlier this afternoon inside a jeepney, as i was returning along with my group mates from Amoranto Sports Complex, a disheveled and dirty child [a beggar] came inside and proceeded to wipe my and the other passengers's feet with a rag. After, he asked for alms, compensation for the duty he did, despite us [the passengers] not asking for it. However, the child was so small and pitiful that i eventually gave him some coins, while my group mates gave him what was left of their take-out food.

I normally give alms to begging children like the one i encountered today, but i wouldn't describe myself as a sucker for persons like them when i give them alms. I am even angered when my friends mock these kids, such as those children collecting bottles in UP and asking for food from students when they see them eating. The children may go overboard when they ask for food or spare change [they get forceful sometimes and demand more should be given to them], but still hindi dapat sila ginagago. Some people say i shouldn't give, for reasons such as that these children are only members of some syndicate that'll collect the alms after, that the children won't strive to make something better of themselves and remain as mendicants, etc. etc. But even so, when i come across them, i only see them as children, and nothing more. They didn't choose to become what they are now, and it always saddens me when i think of how they could be having another life other than begging; they could have a decent home, three meals a day, an education, and perhaps more. They won't have to endure the weather, or hunger, or the likely possibility of dying in the streets.

It's unfair that they have to experience these conditions, and it's unfair that many people not only have more, but much, much more. It's infuriating as well that it is very difficult for something to be done about it. Poverty is a problem that seems to have impossible solutions, especially in third-world countries such as the Philippines, where the slums easily outnumber the decent, normal homes.

A saddening thought for me as well is that despite all my rants about poverty and the condition of children begging in the streets, i go back to my life where i eat lots of food, where i experience the good life lots of times courtesy of some of my affluent relatives, where, even though it may not be much, i have money for myself and for my wants. I know i shouldn't feel it, but it's hard not to feel guilty when i'm enjoying myself, oftentimes while eating, but then i suddenly find myself face-to-face with children asking for some share of food and i don't give it since i am hungry as well.

I always dream of getting a good job with more than enough pay. And when i do get this job, will i do something for the plight of these children, or will i just remain as i am, a giver of leftover food, of alms, of parts of things they deserve but may never have?

The previous entry was just an attempt to sound poetic.

Yep, my explanation simply asserts that i suck at poetry.

Sad.

Will the time when i become better at writing ever come?

Broken names, homes,
Dreams
And broken bones

It can be frustratingly depressing [depressingly frustrating] when things don't go the way you want it to be. What's even more crappy [and signifies that you are a loser] is when you get sad over the shallowest of things that did not go according to plan. And yes, i am pertaining to myself.

Tonight was supposed to be a good night for me. I planned on watching a marathon of "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" on DVD [burned by my ever-trustworthy friend John] while pigging out on various junk food that cost me more than a hundred pesos. The fact that i spent a considerably big amount of money for myself on chips is significant in itself. I rarely do things like spending lots for junk food. The night was supposed to be special.

But surprise, surprise. It wasn't.

The fucking DVD kept skipping, and when i finally got tired of wiping the DVD through a combination of my spit, water, and some tissue [disgusting, i know], i decided to watch using my mother's laptop. Great, i thought, this'll be even better, since it meant lying on my bed in my room, eating chips and just watching and laughing at 'Whose Line.' My hopefulness got me nowhere. The DVD didn't work at all. The laptop kept on hanging everytime i put in the DVD. Gaahr. And that was when i called it quits. The chips were slowly but steadily consumed as i was waiting for the DVD to load, but we all know what happened, now, do we?

At the back of my mind this afternoon, as i was contemplating the supposedly perfect couch potato moment, something was telling me not to continue my plans because it was a Friday and i still had CWTS the next day, so it wouldn't be the perfect evening since i had obligations left and blah blah blah. But i went on with my plan anyway.

Sigh.

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Going over what i have just written, one might question why i could be saddened by something as shallow as broken DVDs and chips.

Bakit nga ba?

Sayang talaga itong blog ko. I need to make it work. I have to advertise it in the future, so actual people would read it, and i won't feel like the village idiot talking to himself anymore. That will only happen if i had the things i wish for [in the previous post]. Until them, Giro, ramble on. Ramble on like the idiot that you are.

Kailangan ko siyang ayusin, para hindi masayang.

Ang ganda pa naman ng pangalan ng blog ko.

:>

i'd probably write something relevant in future posts, other than my life which i don't think anyone coming across this blog would care about, if only i had:

1. a camera to make this blog a little less boring
2. no electricity usage problems to think about
3. writing talent

these things will make for a more interesting blog, i'm sure.

too bad they won't come to me anytime soon.

Of problems. Again

Just because i don't say anything, doesn't mean i'm not going through anything. I only reserve my problems for my closest friends; i may be open on a lot of things, but my problems and issues are not one of them.

I don't want to be like those people who post 'problem statuses,' cryptically telling anyone who'd bother to read that they are going through something, but when asked a question will reveal squat. No, i'm not like that..

.. But this blog entry just contradicts what i have just said, doesn't it?

I'm dealing with a lot of problems right now. But i think i can handle them. All i need are timing and hope that things will eventually work out in the future.

I will handle them. Period.