It's been so long since I've written. But though i want to, i still find it hard, since a lot of times i really feel that my writing ability is mediocre. I want to improve, i want to better at writing, so that i'll be able to call it my craft. I want to be creative, i want my imagination to burst, but so far this hasn't been happening. God. I positively, desperately want to write. If only i could. I don't want to be bitter about the talent God gave me [writing is really the closest thing to what i can call a skill], but it's just that i want to be better. Be on par with people i revere as very talented writers. Will practice lead me to be better at writing? I believe that i need topics and themes in which i can write about. Practice is useless if you don't have something in which to apply practice to. I want to write about things i've never written about, as well as things i've always written about. Above all, however, i just want to be better.

I want to write not just in the way journalism trains people to write. I want to be able to write creatively. Oh how i fucking envy those people who make writing poems and short stories seem so seamless and effortless. I want to be like them but i don't know how. I want to be able to construct sentences filled with description, animation. I want to write paragraphs that will stick in people's minds, if not forever at least just for a while - paragraphs with words and phrases and sentences that will not be lost, just forgotten in the mind of a person. Argh. I just find this frustrating. I just keep on writing and writing here, not minding my train of thought, 'cause, hey, who will see this anyway? If only i could write in both linear and nonlinear forms, if only i could be a good journalist and storyteller. If only if only if only.

I'll try to practice. This is just a sudden epiphany. I want to be able to apply all the things i've read in books. How useless will it be if i love reading yet am not able to put the things i've read into a form which is my writing. They say that to be a good writer, one must be a good reader. But how come this isn't applying to me? Or am i really just thinking wrongly? Maybe i have sufficient skills, but am just denying that they are. What? I don't know. It's just so hard to discern.

Writing, thou art a bitch.

But please be a good bitch and help me improve.

Please?