I am feeling the urge to write a short story. I've never written a short story EVER. Well, besides that compulsory short story for Filipino class when I was in high school (it was crap, by the way), I have not written a short story which I can honestly say I created and which I can be proud of.

I was writing something during vacation, and I was actually delighted with the output I did, but then the inspiration for writing the story suddenly went away. Poof.

Writing is hard. Very, very hard. Even though I am not a creative writer.

I think part of the reason why I find it hard to produce a short story is because I want it to be at par with award-winning ones. Yes, my feelingero urges again. When I write something, I tend to get the feeling that someone's with me as the pen trails down the page, watching, observing my every move, every motion. It's hard. Writing is a solitary act and I know I should write for myself if I really want to see my potential.

If ever I get ideas for a short story, I will do my best to write what I can. Shitty output or no, I will do it. I want to be able to release my creative juices (hopefully I have some). Hopefully I get inspiration, though. It's hard to write without it, otherwise.

Thank you, Captain Obvious.

(image source: http://vintagebooks.files.wordpress.com/2009/07/the-hangover.jpg)

R-18 comedies are unrestrained, offensive, crude, witty, and downright profane.

And I love them.

Out of all those I've watched, however, The Hangover is on my must-watch lists in terms of comedy. I loved the story and the characters. I mean, wow. I know I don't know how to make good reviews of just about anything, but hey, the fact that I am doing this means that I loved the movie. It's rare that I make time to create movie reviews, or any kind of review for that matter, though shitty it may be.

The Hangover is about a bachelor's party in the famed Sin City, Las Vegas, gone wrong. After a night of fun that the four men in the movie undergo, the next day, the groom-to-be, Doug, is missing. Stu, Phil, and Alan find him, and that in essence is the film's plot. What happens is hilarity at its finest.

WATCH IT.

By the way, I loved a song from the movie. It was sung by Stu, and for god-knows-what reason, I couldn't get enough of it and kept on repeating the damn tune. Here's a link and see if you find yourself amused by the song as much as I was (yep, I am weird that way): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ojkUv4aWY_0

I recently watched Bruno as well.

I liked -- loved -- this movie more, though.

Glancing at all these entries here, I'm beginning to think that this site is my Emo blog. In the sense that majority of the entries here are all about ranting.

Oh well.

If you don't release your anger, your sadness, your misery, it can consume you.

That's what poison does.

I have for long been in a stage of denial ever since it happened. But now I have finally conceded that my iPod Nano does indeed have a busted battery. I face a dilemma now: Should I sell my iPod or should I have it repaired?

To sell it would mean having to face people's criticisms, explicit or otherwise. My Nano is a secondhand one, and secondhand things often provoke words like malfunction, untrustworthy, unreliable, and the like. They are not good words to hear.

Repairing the Nano, though, would mean having to risk money AGAIN. The Ate in Sta. Lucia, when I went there to ask about my iPod's future, said that she could have it repaired. She then brought me to a repair shop near her store and asked the Kuya there if he could give me a discount for the process. He told me 500 would do the job. I declined then. But now I wonder.. Could he really do it? I mean, I have just finished searching about iPod battery replacements, and now I realize that they can be done. Is the Kuya proficient enough in his area of specialization to fix my iPod? But then I think again. He would only perhaps check my iPod to see if it indeed is broken. I don't think he'll change the battery, not unless I buy a new, cheap one from CDR King or wherever. Or will he? Could the 500 pesos include the new battery?

I have 500 pesos but I am still unwilling to use it for my iPod. I am doubting. But I want to be able to use my Nano again. It was my birthday gift to myself, and having to live without it is painful, since I used my birthday money for it, money I rarely get from people.

What do I do.. What should I do.. This is really just frustrating. If only I were rich. But this entry in itself just goes to show that I am not. I mean, if I had money, I wouldn't be arguing with myself on whether to spend 500 pesos for repairs..

God. I wish this problem could be solved. Will be solved, rather.

More than all of the things I wrote, the reason why I want my iPod to be fixed is that I just don't want to be hit with the realization that I made a wrong choice. Again.

It just hurts to think about it. It does.

One of my closest friends has asked me to write a eulogy for his child. His egg child, that is. He is an egg parent. Yeah don't ask what the fuck all this is about. The point is, he's asked me to make a eulogy for his egg child who died in the line of work as a National Geographic photographer. How come the egg gets to work for Nat Geo? :| Anyway, I am making [as i am still not finished by now] two eulogies for Cole Johnson [that's the name of my friend's egg; fantastic, i know], from the perspectives of Cole's dad and wife. I've actually found it quite engaging. I've wanted to write for so long creatively, and this was my chance. It was actually my first time to write a eulogy today, but may i just say that it wasn't that hard. My work is still unfinished largely because i am being distracted by a lot of factors, Facebook being one of them. But ho hum, pig's bum. I am starting now on the wife's eulogy, and may i just say this is the challenging part. It's good to realize though that i am practicing my writing through this. And hopefully next time i have the time to try and write, i'll be able to think of a good theme in which to write about, and please please please please, i hope it'll have good results. I just want to be a better writer. Writing's the only skill i really have.

It's been so long since I've written. But though i want to, i still find it hard, since a lot of times i really feel that my writing ability is mediocre. I want to improve, i want to better at writing, so that i'll be able to call it my craft. I want to be creative, i want my imagination to burst, but so far this hasn't been happening. God. I positively, desperately want to write. If only i could. I don't want to be bitter about the talent God gave me [writing is really the closest thing to what i can call a skill], but it's just that i want to be better. Be on par with people i revere as very talented writers. Will practice lead me to be better at writing? I believe that i need topics and themes in which i can write about. Practice is useless if you don't have something in which to apply practice to. I want to write about things i've never written about, as well as things i've always written about. Above all, however, i just want to be better.

I want to write not just in the way journalism trains people to write. I want to be able to write creatively. Oh how i fucking envy those people who make writing poems and short stories seem so seamless and effortless. I want to be like them but i don't know how. I want to be able to construct sentences filled with description, animation. I want to write paragraphs that will stick in people's minds, if not forever at least just for a while - paragraphs with words and phrases and sentences that will not be lost, just forgotten in the mind of a person. Argh. I just find this frustrating. I just keep on writing and writing here, not minding my train of thought, 'cause, hey, who will see this anyway? If only i could write in both linear and nonlinear forms, if only i could be a good journalist and storyteller. If only if only if only.

I'll try to practice. This is just a sudden epiphany. I want to be able to apply all the things i've read in books. How useless will it be if i love reading yet am not able to put the things i've read into a form which is my writing. They say that to be a good writer, one must be a good reader. But how come this isn't applying to me? Or am i really just thinking wrongly? Maybe i have sufficient skills, but am just denying that they are. What? I don't know. It's just so hard to discern.

Writing, thou art a bitch.

But please be a good bitch and help me improve.

Please?

I am hitting an all-time low with my laziness and i am not happy with it. I need to manage my time more, i need to work my ass off more, i need to appreciate lots of things and hard work more.

All of these depend on my initiative, yet sadly i don't feel any drive to get up and change myself. This is infuriating. I hope i find inspiration soon, and no, it does not necessarily have to be a person.

If i don't change this by the time i'm in my 20s, then i'm dead. So much for the person who wants to live an independent life in the future.

September's nearly ending and i haven't produced a single entry. Come to think of it, those times in which i've managed to write something about are just self-indulgent events, like what happened today, blah blah blah. It's not that i'm tired of writing about my life, it's just that i want some new shit to write about. If my life were more interesting then i'd be happier [who wouldn't be?]. Gah.